Wes Craven's Fast Food Delivery Nightmare

Lights up on the home of WES CRAVEN. Seated on a couch, center stage, is WES CRAVEN, twiddling his thumbs.

CREEPY ANNOUNCER

And now...a A DAY IN THE LIFE OF WES CRAVEN....

The doorbell rings.

WES CRAVEN

Ah.

WES CRAVEN crosses to the front door and opens it. A chinese delivery MAN is standing there.

WES CRAVEN

Perfect. I was really starting to get hungry. What do I owe you?

MAN

Nine fifty.

WES CRAVEN

Okay. Can you break a twenty?

MAN

No, no change.

WES CRAVEN

No change? Really? Aren't you...aren't you supposed to carry change around? I mean...gosh...I'd like to give you a tip...uh...hey, I know. I think I've got some Sacagawea coins in that bowl that I put my keys in!

WES CRAVEN reaches into the bowl and pulls out a fistful of coins.

WES CRAVEN

Crisis averted! Ha.

MAN laughs feebly. WES CRAVEN hands him the money.

WES CRAVEN

Okay, I trust you packaged up a pair of chopsticks for me..?

MAN

Oh, no, sorry, no chopstick.

WES CRAVEN

What?! Again? Oh boy. Well, I guess I can appreciate your culture without using chopsticks. Just not the same. Oh well. Thank you.

MAN (handing him food)

Thank you.

WES CRAVEN shuts the door. Plops down on the couch. Opens bag. Begins setting out food on the coffee table, opening containers and spreading out napkins. He tucks one napkin into his shirt at the collar. He pauses for a moment. Then:

WES CRAVEN

Aw man, they forgot duck sauce. This just...this really stinks.

CREEPY ANNOUNCER

This has been....a DAY IN THE LIFE OF WES CRAVEN! HAAHAHAAAHAAHAHAHAA!

BLACKOUT.