The 32nd Sketch

Lights up on the COMEDY WIZARD and ROB.

COMEDY WIZARD

So it is my distinct honor to present you, Rob Morrison, with this award for finally completing the Sketchtember Sketch Writing Challenge, after failing time and again. Let this be proof that no matter how checkered one's past, Sketchtember is attainable for one and all.

The COMEDY WIZARD hands ROB a trophy.

ROB

Gee, thanks. I guess I'd like to thank --

An offstage orchestra begins to play "wrap-it-up" award show music.

COMEDY WIZARD

C'mon kid, we don't have all day.

ROB

Wait, wait, WAIT! STOP THE MUSIC!

Music stops.

ROB

This isn't an award...

ROB lifts a piece of bread off the top of the trophy, revealing a metal device.

ROB

It's a....SEIS-MO-GRAAAAAPH!

The COMEDY WIZARD runs around like his soul is on fire. ROB shrieks with mad laughter.

MARTHREGENT and MUTUAL FRIEDMAN enter.

MARTHREGENT

It's everything I evah dreamed of!

MUTUAL FRIEDMAN (screaming)

The feeling is mutual.

DR. MILKANDSHIT rides across the stage on a flood of fecal matter.

DR. MILKANDSHIT

Weeeeeeeeeeee!

ROB

ALL HAIL SKETCHTEMBERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

BLACKOUT.

Lights up on a bare stage. Two tiny glowing PEEDLESNORTS are conversing.

DADDY PEEDLESNORT

And that's how we came to know and love it today: Sketchtember.

Beat.

BABY PEEDLESNORT

Ya know...you had me going for a while there, but I don't think I believe any of that.

DADDY PEEDLESNORT

What?

BABY PEEDLESNORT

Yeah.

DADDY PEEDLESNORT

Really? What tipped you off?

BABY PEEDLESNORT

Hmm, I think the whole "Sketchtember" thing. Like anyone would really waste their time writing sketches for a whole month -- especially weird ones that would probably be unsuccessful if they were ever staged.

DADDY PEEDLESNORT

Drat. Well. Why don't you hop on your Snzidocious and we'll head back to Peedlesnort Village.

BABY PEEDLESNORT

Daaaaad! How many times do I have to tell you that mine is a Snzidocious Alimidocious! Not just a plain old boring Snzidocious like you have!

DADDY PEEDLSNORT

All right, all right.

They mount their steeds and ride off. A closing iris effect begins, a la the end of an old movie.

ANNOUNCER

So, until their next adventure kiddies, it's time to say.....

CHORUS

Goooodbyeeeeeee little Peedlesnorts, goodbyeeeeeeeeeeee!

DINOSAUR BOB's head pops into the diminishing iris.

DINOSAUR BOB (singing)

And there goes Dinosaur Boooooooob!

We see the LEAGUE OF GRUMBLY AUTHORITY LADIES descending from the heavens behind him.

DINOSAUR BOB (spoken)

Oh god no! Not again!

DINOSAUR BOB is flayed to pieces as the iris closes with a "beeeeeoooouup!"

THE END.