SON
Hey, are we still going out for dinner?
FATHER
You bet! Anything you want, tiger.
SON
Okay. I think I'd really like to get some onion rings.
Beat. FATHER turns to look at SON.
FATHER (in hyper-sarcastic tone)
Oh. Onion rings? Hmmmm. Where do we have to go for ONION RINGS, huh?
SON
Dad, I don't know what you're...
FATHER (to MOM)
Gee, Phyllis, I wonder if we'll have to go to TASTY TOM'S WHERE THE ONION RINGS ARE HOT AND CRISPY AND WHERE MY BROTHER DEWEY WAS MURDERED TWENTY YEARS AGO BY THE HANDS OF A RAVING MADMAN. IS THAT WHAT YOU HAD IN MIND, SON?
MOM (gently)
Now honey, Dewey wasn't really killed there, he was killed behind that CVS--
FATHER
THE CVS THAT IS RIGHT NEXT TO TASTY TOM'S.
MOM
Honey, they're in different townships.
FATHER
THEY'RE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER ON THE STOCK TICKER.
MOM
Honey, Tasty Tom's doesn't have its own stock, and if it did, it begins with a "T". CVS begins with a "C".
FATHER
NOT ON THE STOCK TICKER THAT'S ORGANIZED ACCORDING TO PLACES NEAR WHERE DEWEY WAS SODOMIZED AND MUTILATED.
MOM
Honey, they only found his bag of gym clothes and a letter reading he was running away from home.
FATHER
RUNNING AWAY TO HEAVEN BECAUSE HE'S DEAD!
MOM
Honey, he's been writing letters to you for 20 years. He lives in Scranton. We've been trying to tell you for two decades that he's not dead.
FATHER
Well he should be dead. He....deserted...Tasty Tom's.
Beat.
SON
So, I guess we're eating in again?
BLACKOUT
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