The Mexican Prisoner

Lights up on an old Texas jail. A mexican MAN is dragged in by a GUARD, who violently hurls him into a jailcell, locking it.

GUARD

You have offended the general for the last time, Juan De Los Marquez!

MAN

He is a man who deserves it.

GUARD

You lie! And what's more, you'll never get out of this jail cell.

MAN

No...

GUARD

Yes! There's a sandstorm coming this way. All the men are leaving. And the general is leaving with your....Rosalita.

MAN

NO.

GUARD

Yes, and she told him that she loves him!

MAN

NO!

GUARD

Yes, and she told him that she's going to give up her virginity for him!

MAN

NOOOO!

GUARD

Yes, and he said, who are you kidding, you're not a virgin!

MAN

NOOOOOO!

GUARD

Yes, and she replied oh all right I've been around the block I can't lie.

MAN

NOOOO-HOO!

GUARD

Yes, and then they bought a whole box of rubbahs!

MAN

NOO-O!

GUARD

Yes, and they decided not to use them but still they had sex!

MAN

NoooOOOOOOOOooooOOOO!

GUARD

Yes, and in this fit of sexual experimentation, broke state laws doing so.

MAN

!NOOOOOOO!

GUARD

Yes, Es-PAiR-Uh-Muhn-Tey-Shown.

MAN

N!o!O!o!O!o!

GUARD

Yes, and later he slurped brie cheese off her kneecaps as she braided his pubes.

MAN

NO-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh

GUARD

Yes, and within these pubes she discovered a world of tiny glowing creatures!

MAN

no!

GUARD

Yes, and they had lanterns for heads and called themselves the Peedlesnorts!

MAN

NOOOOOOOowooOOOOOO

GUARD

And the Peedlesnorts rode around on tiny legged fungi called Snzidocious, and also Snzidocious Alimodocious!

MAN

NooOooooOooOoOOOo

GUARD

Yes, and the Peedlesnorts and their faithful steeds proclaim themselves to be the one true deity that has existed in this festival of sad clowns and burning passion we call the universe.

MAN

(NO)

GUARD

Yes, and they are!

MAN

*#@&

GUARD

Yes, and their story was handed down from generation to generation until one fateful day, Rosalita's greatgreatgreatgreatgrandson will have to turn the the Peedlesnorts story when he runs out of ideas for a pitch at the cartoon studios he works at, MGM Studios. And that's how we came to know and love them today: THE Peedlesnorts. Darlings of the silver screen, Starlings of the quiver stein, Stars of my heart and of yours and yours, THE PEEDLESNORTS.

Beat.

MAN

You know....now I'm not sure that I should believe anything else that you said.

GUARD

Yeah. I fucked up.

Beat.

MAN

Yeah.

BLACKOUT