Harvey Pelicanbutt

Lights up on a waiting room. A NERVOUS MAN sits on a bench, tapping his toes and flicking his cigarette. He is twitching. A DAPPER MAN is seated next to him.

NERVOUS MAN

I, I just can't take it. I gotta know. Are my test results positive or negative?

DAPPER MAN

Who's your doc?

NERVOUS MAN

Dr. Milkandshit.

DAPPER MAN

Oh.

Beat.

DAPPER MAN

Would you like to empty your ashes into my pelican-butt?

NERVOUS MAN

Yeah, that would be great.

DAPPER MAN turns away from NERVOUS MAN to reveal a pelican's bill where his butt should be. DAPPER MAN is really HARVEY PELICANBUTT. The mouth opens.

DAPPER MAN

Open sez me!

They laugh as the NERVOUS MAN empties his ashtray into the pelican beak.

SINGING CHORUS

That's Haaaaaarveeeeeeey Pelicaaaaaaanbuuuuuuuuuuuuutt!

HARVEY

And don't you forget it!

BLACKOUT.