ROB
Dood, Kraftwerk is awesome!
DAVE
Sure are.
ROB
Dave, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna come up with a a parody band called Raftwerk. It's going to be a raft-rock sendup of klassic Kraftwerk songs.
DAVE
Wait. Did you just say "classic" with a "k"?
ROB
Yeah.
DAVE
And what is raft-rock?
ROB
It's a form of rock that is of and influenced by the whole raft sound.
DAVE
"The raft sound?"
ROB
Yeah, you know.
Beat. DAVE stands and pulls out a crossbow.
ROB
Shit!
DAVE aims the crossbow at ROB
DAVE
This has got to end.
ROB
No, please, my fami--
The crossbow fires. ROB is flung backwards, an arrow through his mouth. He lies dead.
DAVE
Finally. Peace.
A MAILMAN crosses the stage and hands DAVE a handful of mail, then continues across, making his exit.
MAILMAN
Here's your mail! Looks like it's mostly bills though!
DAVE shrugs sheepishly to the audience as "wah wah" music plays.
BLACKOUT.
ALTERNATE ENDING:
ROB
No, please, my fami--
The crossbow fires. ROB is flung backwards, an arrow through his mouth. He lies dead.
DAVE
Well, that's taken care of. Time to find out what's in this closet!
DAVE crosses to a closet and opens it. A large wooden raft shoots out, with a rock band on its back, playing "Pocket Calculator" by Kraftwerk. DAVE is crushed beneath its weight. The raft zips offstage and into the audience.
AUDIENCE
Weeeeeeeee!
BLACKOUT.
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